Runaway Bride
by evil-mastermind666
Summary: Things are not always what they seem. Thanks to duj for inspiration.


**Runaway Bride**

Hermione paced the bedroom, thoughts whirling furiously, newspaper abandoned on the bed. _What kind of farce is this? Narcissa Black and Severus Snape are getting married?_

After Lucius' demise (he didn't want to go quietly with the 5 Aurors who cornered him when he was on the run after Harry defeated Voldemort), Narcissa became a new woman. She had only supported Voldemort because of her husband, and now that the war was over she could finally enjoy herself. It was reputed that Severus and Narcissa had a torrid love affair on and off right under Lucius' nose and were now making it "decent" by marrying.

_I can't see Draco complaining about finally having a father who cares,_ Hermione thought. She reached for the first glass on the table (Firewhiskey) and knocked back the entire thing in one go, then sighed.

"I suppose I do have to drink the other also. This will not be pleasant." She pinched her nose and drank the other glass as someone knocked on her door.

• • •

Severus paced another room, far away from Hermione. Draco watched him with a quizzical look on his face.

"I don't understand what you're so worried about. Don't you love her?"

The glare Severus shot him could've frozen the sun, but he replied anyway. "Of course I love her. It's just… this wedding! This insane wedding! Why couldn't it have been something…?"

"Smaller?" Draco supplied.

"Yes, more private. Those bloody reporters are going to be chasing me down for a comment –"

" – Or your life story." Draco interrupted.

"Precisely. I refuse to feed their rumour mill."

Draco smiled gently. "Doesn't it suck caring about someone who is forever in the news?"

Severus only snorted in response.

• • •

The door to Hermione's room flew open.

"Don't you know how to knock?"

Had Hermione turned to look she would have seen… herself, standing in the doorway.

"Come on in, Narcissa, I haven't got all day."

Narcissa, in the guise of Hermione, came over and sat in front of Hermione, who was in the guise of Narcissa.

"Are you sure this is going to work, Hermione?" Narcissa fretted. Hermione thought it was quite odd looking at Narcissa tugging Hermione's rambunctious curls on her head in her nervousness.

"Not if you keep calling me Hermione it won't. Remember: You are me, and I am you, for the next hour."

"Won't the rest… suspect something?"

"The only people who know about this are you, me, Draco, Severus and your darling Ron. The rest will either figure it out from us acting oddly, or will be surprised when Hermione Granger is suddenly standing at the front of the congregation with Severus Snape as opposed to Narcissa Black, and Narcissa Black is sitting in the audience with Ron Weasley where Hermione Granger was."

"This whole plan makes my head hurt," Narcissa pouted, then brightened: "But it is delightfully sneaky. Those trashy papers, printing all those horrid stories about Severus and I…"

"They'll get their come-uppance with this one, not to worry Cissa," Hermione smirked then muttered, "This was the best way to get back that vile Skeeter woman, thinks she's so clever sneaking around…"

Narcissa cleared her throat. "When you're finished talking to yourself, we can get this scheme underway. First thing's first: make-up!"

• • •

It was a beautiful ceremony. Narcissa (in actuality Hermione) walked up the aisle in her stunning white robes to meet Severus in his traditional black. Hermione (in actuality Narcissa) sniffed in the audience beside Ron. The ceremony was being held outside the summer cottage of the Black family. By such moneyed people as the Blacks it would be considered a quaint summer getaway; it was in reality triple the size of the Burrow.

The ceremony began, but was thrown to a screeching halt when the Polyjuice wore off of the two women. Molly Weasley fainted at the sight of her "ickle Ronniekins" with the formidable Narcissa Black's arm around his waist instead of Hermione's. Luckily, she was caught by Arthur, who couldn't decide whether to laugh or be angry, so he settled on just trying to revive his wife. Harry was stricken speechless; not even Ginny kissing him could get the horrified look from his face for long. The rest of the congregation was set ablaze with murmurs and cries of protest

Once the commotion died down, the presiding wizard continued on with the ceremony. Hermione and Severus were married that day; Ron and Narcissa eloped that night.

• • •

The papers were in an uproar the next morning.

**Wedding of the Year?**

**By Rita Skeeter**

**Yesterday at the Black cottage in Cork, Ireland, the wedding of Severus Snape (Order of Merlin, First Class) and Narcissa Black transformed into the wedding of Severus Snape and Hermione Granger (Order of Merlin, First Class). The two women, under Polyjuice, had fooled this reporter, and close friends and family into believing their farce: that is, that war hero Granger (now Granger-Snape) was in love with the handsome war hero Ron Weasley (Order of Merlin, First Class), and that war hero Snape was in love with Lady Black. **

**This confusing set-up was a complete shock to almost all involved. Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived (Order of Merlin, First Class for his defeat of Lord Voldy-…thing, and first recipient of the newly created Phoenix Medal for Service to the Wizarding World), had this to say about the state of events: **

"**I can't believe it. All this time, I thought Hermione and Ron were going on those dates together. I mean, yeah, they mentioned they went on a few with Narcissa and Snape, but… Oh Merlin, how could Hermione even contemplate that: it's Snape for crying out loud! That's just… Oh the humanity! I almost gouged my eyes out when they kissed at the wedding."**

**This reporter regrets to inform readers that Mr. Potter was unable to comment further, due to his wife's intervention and subsequent hexing of our hero. **

**Draco Malfoy refused to comment directly to this reporter, but was overheard saying late in the night at the reception, **

"**I could've told you that my mother would never go for Severus; they've been best friends, practically sister and brother, for longer than I've been alive. He's my godfather you know. hic Ron's a Quidditch fanatic, and Severus most definitely is not, and my mum loves Quidditch. I suppose that's the main reason. Well, other than the fact that Sev's been in love with Hermione for a long bloody time. I think I'll get some more punch, it's absolutely lovely isn't it?"**

**Just how long has this affair been going on? This reporter intends on finding out. Until next time,**

**Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet.**

The next day, Rita Skeeter met with an unfortunate accident with an alligator skin purse mysteriously turned alligator, and consequently resigned from investigative reporting while she still had her other arm.

Author's Notes: I honestly don't know where this idea came from. I was doing an exam in class the other day and it just occurred to me to have a scandalous affair that turned even crazier. It's probably horrible, but hey flames are reviews too.

Oh, and in his comment Draco is definitely drunk. I'm not sure who he was talking to, or if he was speaking to anyone who was actually there… But that's how it turned out.


End file.
